By Nicole Pletka, President, AWT
I have a few friends that have complained about the person they report to and there was a common thread, lack of feedback. The best thing any manager should learn is how to give good feedback and how to receive feedback well. I’m a huge fan of one-on-one meetings between people and their boss because without feedback, tension builds below the surface, learning opportunities are missed, and resentment can grow. Without the regular one-on-one, direct conversations only seem to happen when something goes wrong and that leaves us of fearing our leadership. Alternatively, only the squeaky wheel gets heard leaving power and privilege to get distorted.
Sometimes people avoid one-on-one meetings because they truly don’t know what to talk about, but more often, I think people fear getting and giving feedback. In Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen discuss internal triggers that derail us from receiving feedback objectively:
- Truth Triggers – “That’s not accurate!”
- Relationship Triggers – “They hate me.”
- Identity Triggers – “Am I a failure?”
It is tough to trigger someone or to be triggered, so it’s crucial to give and receive feedback well. Having one-on-ones at a regular cadence, like every-other week, creates opportunities for lots of practice, and it normalizes the regular giving and receiving.
I like to think of separating feedback into three aspects: the past, the present, and the future. Discussing the past entails going over the facts of what happened and making sure everyone’s version of history is understood. Discussing the present entails evaluating how things are currently going. Discussing the future is all about brainstorming what everyone should do moving forward.
Let’s say you’re showing appreciation for a project getting done early and under budget. Discussing the past will probably focus on what went well. Discussing the present may be comparing the completed project to other in-flight projects. Discussing the future might be finding ways to replicate the success.
It may seem easy to show appreciation, but even giving praise can be tough if the recipient can’t take it in. They may attribute success to other people or to some fortuitous anomaly. Similarly, people often can’t take in negative feedback and quickly blame others or blame circumstances. In either case, being clear and very specific can help a lot. Always be specific enough that it is easy to identify what the person should keep doing, start doing, or stop doing. Saying “You look great in that color” is more meaningful than “You look nice”. Saying “In the last team meeting, you interrupted several of your colleagues and it’s a pattern that needs to stop” is more actionable than “People find you aggressive in team meetings.”
Feedback can be showing appreciation, giving some coaching, or evaluating a performance. In any case, giving and receiving frequently are imperative to having a good relationship with any boss or employee.
If you have any tips for providing helpful and constructive feedback, let us know in the comments, via LinkedIn or by contacting Leslie M. Dill at publicrelations@awtaustin.org.
